I feel like I’ve done a lot of less-than-smart things in my life. I can think of many situations that I’ve put myself in, where in hindsight, I wish I’d acted differently.
A huge part of learning how to manifest with intention, and creating your own reality is to be aware of your patterns of behaviours.The good, and the not so good.
It’s important to reflect on your habits, because they are what shape you as a person. And who you are as a person is reflected in your beliefs.
And your beliefs are what the Universe responds to and always matches. Whatever you believe you deserve… you’ll get more of.
A big part of creating new beliefs; beliefs that align with what you want to manifest in life… is letting go of the past and learning from your mistakes.
So here’s one of my life lesson’s that I’ve reflected on lately.
Not being proactive about my anxiety.
I mean when you are too anxious to fly back home for a good friends’ engagement party… something is not right. Is it?
I felt anxiety for a couple of years without realising that’s what I had. When it dawned on me about 4 years ago, that that’s what I’d been experiencing… I didn’t do a whole lot about it. As in, I did nothing about it.
Taking a more proactive approach to this would have benefitted me in so many ways. Not taking the time to really think about what was causing my anxiety, and how to get a handle on it would have been a good move to make.
My anxiety popped up most often when I was nervous to go to social occasions. I used it as an excuse to not meet new people. Or even as an excuse to not interact with people that I already knew, to be honest. I used it as an excuse to not be seen, essentially. The thing is, that the anxiety was real, and it was an awful, awful feeling to experience, but, I was kinda bringing it upon myself.
I created it for myself as the perfect excuse to stay small. To stay lonely and friendless. Obviously, I didn’t realise this at the time.
I felt anxious when thoughts came into my head that I would choose to believe. The thoughts I chose to believe (and never questioned), became a habit. The thoughts would pop up all the time.
Subconsciously I felt that I wasn’t good enough, to be ‘seen’, to have friends and that I wasn’t worthy. I was embarrassed of myself… so I chose to hide at home. I let my anxiety be a reason for me to not go and live my life. I never told anyone that I felt anxious. I would say that I wasn’t feeling well, or make up any other excuse. I would actually believe the excuses I gave a lot of the time. They felt so real and justified to me.
But I let that anxiety get the better of me.
My anxiety was not a feeling that I had 24/7. I could have used the time when the anxiety wasn’t there… to learn how to take control of it when it did pop up. But I didn’t.
So, I missed out on amazing opportunities to have fun. I missed out on opportunities to grow relationships and friendships. I missed out on opportunities that I don’t even know about…because I wasn’t there! I was hiding at home feeling sorry for myself. Feeling quite bitter and angry. I was sad because I love to socialise, and I hated the feeling of missing out… but then I was too anxious to go.
The most regretful decision I ever made from an anxious mind was when…. I didn’t go to a good friends’ engagement party. I had a list of excuses to not go, I told myself it was because I didn’t have the money. But in hindsight I know that’s not true. And the repercussion of not going created an awful amount guilt within me, frustration and regret.
I missed on people in my life’s birthdays, and special events because I was too consumed with the fear of being judged. When really, the only judgement that was going on was in my own head of myself.
Anxiety is a gripping, intense and over whelming feeling. It’s shit. But, I will put up my hand and admit; I let it be an excuse to not live life to the full.
Someone I admire a lot, a woman who shares her wisdom with us girls in the GG is Kira. Something she said once really got to me.
“Anxiety and depression occurs when you’re stuck in your own head. Stop thinking about yourself so much and move your focus on to those around you.” I’m paraphrasing, but you get the gist.
For me, what she said is 100 percent true. I was obsessing about myself. And not in a healthy, self-love self-appreciative kind of way…but more in an egotistical, “what will everyone think of me” type of way.
Instead of worrying about a going to a party that I had been invited to… and worrying that I had nothing to wear, or what would people think of me….and getting all anxious over that…. I could have chosen to think; “How can I show up as a really good friend? How can I make this party more enjoyable for other people there? How can I make someone’s day?”
The person who invited me might be so grateful that I cared enough to come to their party. That in itself is a kind gesture. There might be someone else there who was nervous to go, and might really appreciate me chatting to them and helping them feel welcome. I might meet someone, and have a conversation that just makes their day.
Moral of this rambly story; anxiety is a mindset choice.
Now I take Kira’s advice and I get out of my own head and I stop making things about me. I try to think about others, and how I can be of value to them. It’s crazy how such a simple shift in perspective can make all the difference.
Becoming aware of this pattern of behaviour that I have; The choosing to believe the anxious thoughts, the acting and hiding away from life, and the judging of myself… now all have had a bright light shone on them.
They have not completely gone, I still get anxious sometimes but I am definitely a lot better than I was a few years ago.
When you believe anxious thoughts that come into your mind, when you hide yourself away from the world, when you resist being in situations that are not about you…. You tell the universe that’s what you want more of.
The universe always, without exception gives you more of what you ARE. Like attracts like.
I don’t want more anxiety. And I don’t want more situations of missing out on the fun in life. So I’m taking steps to move through the anxiety and move the focus away from me, onto how can I serve others.
What patterns of behaviour can you recognise in yourself? What do you need to shine light on?